


Easier

by Kitsune_Heart



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Blanket Permission, F/M, Podfic Welcome, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Rape Recovery, Surprise Pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 13:53:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune_Heart/pseuds/Kitsune_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wanted him. She could never deny that. Eventually, they'd get there. But "eventually" is such a tenuous concept. And there are some things in this life that are just...easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Easier

_"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them." -Andre Gide_

...Ah! So good to see you, Commander Kelp. It has been a while, hasn't it? I do wish I was able to keep better track of my fairy friends, but there hasn't been a great call to socialize since Koboi was caught. A true pity; I did enjoy my time in Haven, even if it was for psychiatric treatment. Your architecture is most—

...Well. No need to be rude. It is considered socially advantageous to engage in a certain level of—

Yes, fine, as you wish, Commander. Go ahead. I am a captive audience, as it were.

...Ha! Such a useless question! You know what I did, by now, I'm sure. Foaly still has surveillance on me, does he not? And the suit diagnostics gave you plenty of information, yes? Then why do you even bother asking? Details? Well, first I licked her—

Hmph. For being the head of LEP General, you are thin-skinned. Surely you should be more composed about these things, by now. But, then, you are rather young for this job, aren't you? I was honestly astonished when the Council appointed you, after Vinyáya's death.

Oh, yes, you are correct. Terribly off-topic. Let's get back to the interrogation, shall we? Do you want me to swear on a Bible or the Book? Maybe sign an affidavit?

...You must be joking. Those pathetic excuses for psychiatrists? Evaluating me for signs of a lie? Oh, no, no, if you _want_ to trust them, after how it turned out the first time, be my guest. I'll even do you the favor of giving my word that I will speak nothing but the truth, if that helps.

Your first question?

Years.

Yes, years.

Oh...within a few months of my release from the Argon Clinic. I was a bit distressed, initially. I thought perhaps I was developing another complex. I even considered bringing it up with Foaly, to see if he knew of anything in particular that could help. I didn't, for obvious reasons. Just imagine the look on his face, if I had...

Just stray thoughts, at first. The occasional nightmare, as well. A sort of "what if" situation in my head. What if it worked? What if, despite how abhorrent I thought it was, it _worked?_ It would certainly solve a few problems. That, in itself, was intriguing.

No. No single point. It just...became more prevalent in my thoughts. More plausible. Day by day, until it wasn't so bad. Then it was almost an acceptable idea. And then...it was a plan. I never sketched things out, no. It was all in my head. Well, except the chemistry. I had to do a little research in order to synthesize the right ingredients. I didn't wish to blow up the Manor, after all. I'm no ignorant backyard dealer, or something like that.

I tried it on myself, first, you know. I simply told Butler that I needed a day for silent research, and to make my food ahead of time. Then I took a small dosage. It was an enlightening experience, actually. I created some of the most fantastic art in that afternoon. I tried to recreate the technique later, but I'm afraid I had little success. Ah, well. I didn't want to damage my body unduly, no matter the financial benefit I received from those auctions. Avaricious, you may think me, but I don't imagine I'd find much use with a fortune if I was dead.

Hmmm? Oh, I doubt she had any clue. I am a terribly good actor, and she was busy, wasn't she? You made sure she stayed active. I suppose you knew she would defy your wishes and see me whenever she went to the surface, but you did a masterful job filling her time whenever she was within easy flying distance. I only ever saw her for a few hours every year, thanks to you. And that just...did not make things easy.

Oh, no, Commander! I do not blame you! And you certainly shouldn't blame yourself. You did what was best. It was her decision to come see me. And don't blame her, either. I assume full responsibility for the events of this evening. I do hope this will have no negative effect on her position in the LEP.

A drink. She's always parched whenever she flies a long distance, and she does love grape juice. She once told me it was the closest we'd ever get to sharing a bottle of wine. I must confessed, I blushed when she said that.

Well, anyway, it was a simple matter. I merely crushed a tablet and mixed it in her drink. Odorless, tasteless. A single tablet may have been a bit much, considering her size, but I wanted to err on the side of too much, rather than too little. She wasn't performing the Ritual, so I knew she had plenty of magic. She was hit with tranquilizers twice during our trip back in time, and she awoke soon after, with few negative side effects. Your healing abilities are amazing, you know.

So, after the gamma-hydroxybutyric acid took effect, I led her up to my room—

Calm down, Commander.

Oh, stop the theatrics, it's not—

Yelling is not going to be effective, you know.

Yes, yes.

Will you—

OF COURSE I RAPED HER!

..What? You assumed I didn't realize that? I. Am not. An idiot.

...Why? _Why?_ Because it was the only way! Years, Commander. _Years_. First she kisses me and says it will never happen again. Then my alternate personality makes a full confession of my feelings, putting her on alert. If he hadn't, I'm certain I would have had a chance to woo her. But she wouldn't let it happen after that. Any time I gave her a gift or tried to touch her or just sent a letter, she'd make some sort of "subtle" comment about whom she was dating or how she was too busy for anything but work. Then she'd just flit off on her way and leave me. To think about it. About the idea. About how it would _work_.

I regret I did not have the time to make things...romantic. I knew her suit would send out an alert, once she took the drug, and then it was just a matter of time before you had a team in to stop me. I had to break the lock on my door, even. Butler is furious about that, isn't he? I am going to have to do something to make it up to him. Perhaps an all-expenses paid trip to see Juliet fight for the Intercontinental Belt next month. He'd enjoy that.

Oh, yes, apologies, I do prattle on.

I took every precaution I could. I did not want to hurt her, Commander. You must have seen that. I used silk, to keep her from hurting herself, once she woke up and began to struggle. I thought she was going to destroy the bed frame, actually. She chewed through the gag halfway. I almost lost my resolve, then. She...was very mad.

I couldn't stop, though. There was no sense in not completing the act.

Commander. Do you want to know something? Something your forensics won't tell you? Something Holly won't tell you? Something those cameras I'm sure are all over the Manor won't have been able to pick up? Come here...just between us men...

When she stopped screaming, near the end? You know the time, yes? I'm sure you already reviewed the tapes. Well...she hadn't given up. Oh, no. She'd never give up. No...no no no...she just didn't want to make a sound.

Hmmm...she was orgasming.

Oh, check the tapes. I recall tears, though perhaps it's just a faulty memory. But I do recall her crying as she did it. And biting her lip until it bled. I regretted that. It's why I gagged her. I didn't want any of it to hurt. Blood on her lips, and...

Was she a virgin? I mean it could have just been an injury, due to the size difference. I do hope she was a virgin. Oh, nothing old-fashioned or misogynistic about it. I just don't want her to bleed the next time.

Of course there will be, Commander! Ha! Why would you even think that?

I already said I understood that, Commander. That doesn't mean we won't have sex again.

No, I've no intention of raping her again. Do you think I'd want to spend the rest of our lives together forcing her? I am not a monster, Commander Kelp. It just had to be done. This one time had to be got out of the way. She would have never agreed to be with me, with how things were going. She was too afraid. Too ashamed of how she felt. No. She had to be _forced. Made_ to feel what she denied herself. Just. Once. Then, she could allow us to be together.

After all, Commander: "it's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission."


	2. Harder

...

...

...

...

...Fine. Whatever. Just get it over with. I've got work to do.

My right arm is best. I always give blood from there.

...

No, I'm fine. Are we done? Was it really necessary to call me out here for this?

...I've already given my statements, doctor.

Look, like I said, I've got work to do. Can I just go now?

...Fucking Argon. Can't even keep a coma patient in his clinic. Now he has to stick his nose in my life? What, does he want to do a hard-hitting TV-special? I imagine I'm pretty rare, after all. Who was the last fairy to...

...Whatever. Ask away, then. Better you than that vulture. At least I know you wont sell the story to the press, Dr. Nesset.

...Wow the fuck do you think I feel? Oh, I am just peaches and sunshine! I skip to work every morning, and I yodel in the shower after my sparring sessions!

I feel like shit, okay? Just thinking about his...

Ill. I feel ill...all the time. Every morning, I wake up from a nightmare and go puke my guts out. Every time I close my eyes, I...I see his hands...and...his eyes...

Next question, if you don't mind.

No suicidal thoughts. I promise. Swear on the Book.

Of course I'm seeing a counselor. I was _ordered_ to, after all. He thinks I'm doing fine, all things considered. So this interview is not necessary. Next question?

Why do you think?

No, I'm not scared of him. What he did to me...I'll never forgive him. But he's just one weak Mud Man. I trusted...well, he caught me off guard. That's all. And I'll obviously never make that mistake again.

Yes, I've seen that interview he did with the Commander. Absolute... I really hope he isn't crazy. Because I don't want him to get off with an insanity plea. I want him to pay for what he did. I want him to spend the full sentence in jail. The full _fairy_ sentence.

The prosecution shouldn't need my testimony! They have enough evidence, don't they? My helmet was in the room. And there's Foaly's surveillance. And they took blood tests in the emergency room. They know there were drugs in my system. And the tearing... He can't deny that it was against my will!

Or...I guess he could, but I doubt even Artemis Fowl can convince a jury that he's right about that.

So I don't see why I need to be at the trial. What are they going to do? Ask me if I could possibly be wrong about who did it? Or maybe he'll imply I was acting, to indulge some weird kink? Not a fucking chance.

...Look, yes, I have my reasons, okay?

If I wanted to tell you, don't you think I'd have said it when you asked the first time? You tell _me_ why I should show my face there.

That...is the stupidest argument I've ever heard. That is really going to be his defense? That I _forgive_ him? Has he had a complete mental break? Because he's got to be crazy if he ever thinks I'd forgive him for what he did to me. I will _never_ forgive him. I want to see him rotting in prison. I want him to spend his entire life in the smallest, dirtiest, most isolated cell the People have. I want him to _rot_ in there. If we still had the death penalty, I'd pull the trigger myself! I want him to spend his entire little life in as much pain as he gave me, and, when he dies, I want to piss on his ashes!

So, no. I don't forgive him. You can witness that at the trial, if need be. I wont go.

Look, why doesn't matter?

No, I don't care if I see him or not. He means nothing to me, now.

No, I'm not _afraid_ of him.

You're not going to let this go, are you?

Figures.

Look, I know you're here for my own good. I understand that, okay? It's just...that's a part of it, really.

I mean...do you know what I would have done on a normal day, before?

Wake up after the third snooze button hit, if I was feeling like a morning person. Quick shower, rush off to work, guzzle a nettle smoothie. Get a lecture from Commander Kelp. Get hit on by Chix. Do some patrols, try to avoid paperwork, hit the firing range. Then go home, have dinner, relax.

Now? I barely get to sleep. I don't even leave my alarm clock on, anymore. Pretty useless. I spend an hour in the shower, and I come out and still don't...feel...

...Yeah. Exactly. Then I go into work an hour early, because I can't think of anything else to do. I don't eat, half the time. Not until someone shoves something in front of me. And I'm lucky if I don't blink and see him looking down at me and throw up everywhere.

And Commander Kelp calls me in, to ask if I'm okay. And then Wing Commander Vinyáya calls me in. And then fucking Commander Verres, too! I haven't worked for him in decades, but he calls up and asks how I'm doing! And what am I supposed to say? "Not bad, sir. Cunt's still kinda sore, but what ya gonna do, ya know?"

Chix is fucking scared of me. I half thought he was going to assault me in the halls, but he wont even _look_ at me anymore. Grub-gods-damned-Kelp keeps giving me these looks. Like I'm a dead kitten on the side of the road. Run over so many times bits of me cover the street for five feet around. But still so _fluffy_ and _cute._

None of the female officers will talk to me in the changing rooms, but they keep sneaking peeks. And moving as far down the lockers as they can. Like they think I'm going to...I don't know.

Yeah. Exactly. Like it's contagious.

I haven't been out in the field since it happened, and the firing range attendants wince every time they hand over a neutrino. What? Do they think I'll flip out and gun everyone down? And, d'arvit, every day that passes, it seems like a better and better idea!

I didn't _do_ anything! And yet everyone has decided that...that I'm a completely different person! That I can't be Captain Holly Short, anymore. No. I'm Holly Short: rape victim _extraordinaire!_ And I _hate_ it! I spent my entire life becoming one of Recon's best officers, and now what am I? No one thinks I'm _me_ anymore!

So there. That's why I won't go, Doctor. Because I don't want that. I don't want him to have changed me. I will _not_ let Fowl's actions define _who I am._

So are we done here, then? Cause I've gotta go back to the office and wait for Trouble and Vinyáya to call and see how this interview went, okay? Don't want to keep them waiting, after all. They might think I flew off the handle and offed myself in the waiting room.

Yes? What about the blood test results?

An abnor...Oh, d'arvit! Does he have that Mud Man disease! The retrovirus? What did he give me? I can't believe he—

...Okay. Okay. Good. But what about the tests, then? If I don't have a disease, what's this all about?

...What are you trying to say, Dr. Nesset? What failed?

Pills? I don't recall. They gave me a lot of stuff, when I was in the hospital.

They were supposed to...inhibit...what?

Implantation?

...T-that's not possible. I...can't...

There's no way. There hasn't been one in...centuries.

...Oh...oh, gods...

...No.

...

...No.

...Gods, please...no... You're lying.

...

Please...

...

I don't want this...


	3. Impossible

...

Oh. You're awake.

My apologies, Fowl. I suppose even I'm not deft enough to keep that from waking you up.

Please, no "Councilwoman." I'm not here on official business.

Always the gentleman. Well, thank you. I suppose I will sit for a few minutes. At my age, I am beginning to appreciate comfort where I can get it.

We have done our best to preserve your comfort, despite being in prison, but there is only so much we can do for you. With human mortality and morbidity rates...well, I doubt you'd be in so good a condition on the surface.

No, I don't expect you to thank us. But even you can't expect me to _apologize_ for your situation.

No, Mr. Fowl. I will not apologize for doing what is _necessary._

Tell me, what do you think I did for the last 600 years as head of Section 8?

The demons were my main concern, true, but the Council could find plenty else to occupy me.. Covert rescue missions, technically illegal negotiations, searches where obtaining a warrant could prove...difficult. The People are perhaps the most peaceful civilization in existence, but even we have our little...problems. I am simply here to smoth things out.

Fifteen minutes, I think. Less, if wish to use the other ampule.

The People don't have such a sentence, so I hadn't really considered it. Though I suppose...yes. I may have to refuse the request, but I'm sure you know what is reasonable. What would you like?

Always information with you. What, in particular?

Everyone...hmmm. I'm sure you had already come to the conclusion that your family passed on. Apparently, your father did a marvelous job of distancing the Fowls from their criminal past. Both he and your mother went in their sleep at quite an age for you humans, within the same year. Your mother protested the arrest, at first. Until...we had to tell her why you were arrested. She asked to be mind-wiped, after that. She simply thought that you had died after the Cessna's engine malfunctioned. Over the sea, so she never questioned why there wasn't a body.

Miles went at seventy, not long after his granddaughter's wedding. He won several science prizes, a Nobel, made quite a fortune of his own. Beckett had no children, though I do believe there were several claims to the contrary, among some of his fans. There were all sorts of jokes about soccer goalies and blocking things, when he was in his 20s and 30s.

And, let's see...Juliet did die somewhat young. 55, I think it was. Three children. Two sons—identical twins, actually—and a daughter. The sons took on the Butler legacy, and I understand they've become the most-requested bodyguards in the business. There are quite a few advantages to being so similar. The daughter could barely even attain a orange belt. She's simply living off her inheritance. With as much as you paid the Butlers, I suppose even her own children could do so, if she had any.

Butler. He...never talked about you again, after you were arrested. He left the Fowl's services the next day, and joined his sensei's school as an instructor. We thought, for a time, that he would be named her successor, but even Madame Ko had a son ferreted away. Apparently, she was pregnant all through his second year of training, and no one noticed. I think Butler was ashamed of his younger self, once he realized. He had no children, himself, though I think he saw Juliet's twins as his progeny, in a way. A bit less for his niece, but he undoubtedly loved her. He left her the majority of his estate, since she had no job.

Then...Minerva is last, I think. She was as you'd expect, really. World-renowned scientist, something of a poet, went to the Olympics on the biathlon team. Yes, biathlon. I think your face says it perfectly. Apparently, Butler thought she should learn how to shoot. What a little terror he unleashed. Lucky for the game, she became a vegetarian, as well. She adopted a son, though she did have a lot of issues with him. He spent some time in juvenile detention before she found him a good psychiatrist.

There, then. Any more questions?

The...People. Yes. Ah...

Qwan stepped down as head warlock a few years ago, and Nº1 is still reeling, trying to get all the new warlocks in order. You know, he's still the shortest warlock, despite being the oldest active one? Even with as powerful as he is, it's hard to get anyone to take him seriously.

Foaly is doing...very well. He left the LEP, for personal reasons. Not that he needed the paycheck. I think he's richer than Koboi ever was, now. He and Caballine are moving, this week. A bigger house. Room for...the second wife.

Yes, I know. None of us saw that one coming. But she's perfect for him. And it was Caballine's idea, really, so don't look so disapproving.

Mulch and Doodah split their offices, once they got enough business. I think Mulch is debating over whether to do another split. I swear, if he was in the LEP, he would be one of our most decorated officers. And the criminals still just _love_ him. You'd think he'd have a price on his head, by now.

Commander Kelp took some time getting over his anger. I think he was...somewhat in love with Holly, but he couldn't cope with being around her, after what happened. He moved on, eventually. I do believe he is...quite happy with his new partner. Trying to convince her to move in with him.

I suppose that's it, then.

Me? Hmmm. Generous of you. We never really associated with one another, did we. Well, I am perhaps the best I've ever been. I'll be stepping down from Section 8 at end of the decade. And I'm...ah...trying to convince the Commander that my house is better than his apartment.

Oh, don't look so shocked. Someone has to keep that braggart in line. It just so happens to fall on my head.

Now, let's see...about seven more minutes, I think. Is there anything else I can—

No.

I said, " _No!"_

How... _dare_ you? How _dare_ you even _ask_ about her, after what you did! Is a hundred years in a cell not a sufficient lesson for you? You don't deserve to hear a _word_ about her!

I don't _care_ that you want to know! You ruined my best officer for almost three years! I had to face down the rest of the Council five different times, to keep her from being discharged from the force. So why should I even _consider_ telling you about Holly?

... _Love_ her? Because you _love_ her? Her life is _barely_ coming back together, and you think the fact that you _love_ her makes it all okay?

...

...You know, Fowl, your ability to argue is infuriating, sometimes. No, actually... _all_ the time.

Very well... You saw her at the trial, so you know she was...expecting. It was a...hard pregnancy. The difference in size, between a half-human child and her fairy body. And she had...twins.

Yes, twins.

There was no way she could carry them both to term. She kept putting off a decision to terminate one. I suppose she never wanted either of them, so it didn't make much sense to her, to choose one or the other. Or maybe she was hoping that, if she didn't make a decision...she wouldn't have either. I wanted her to just go in and have the surgeon make the decision while she was under, but...time ran out.

She went into labor at six months. Barely six months. The doctors couldn't do anything to stop her. It was one of the most...complicated cesarean deliveries in the People's history. Everything that could go wrong, did.

The boy was already gone. The doctors never got a response from him. Holly didn't even name him.

And the girl. The doctors were so surprised she came out as well as she did. Apparently, she was crowding out her brother, which is why he didn't have a chance. She still needed to be in the ICU, of course. There was someone watching her every second of the day. Doctors or Holly's friends. Foaly spent a lot of time there. I think it made him appreciate how easily Caballine's pregnancy had gone. Trouble came once, but he just couldn't stand it. He left after less than five minutes. I think it was her ears. Human. Not a hint of a point.

Holly didn't see her daughter for over a month. She didn't wake up for more than a half-hour for the first two weeks, since she was so exhausted from the surgery. After she performed the Ritual, she knew she should go, but she just didn't... _want_ to. I can't really blame her. She never wanted any of what happened to her.

She asked me to go with. She knew that she would never be ready, if she went alone. She needed to be...guilted into it, really. I actually had to shove her into the neonatal unit.

She was...lost. Just lost, the second the doctors pointed out the incubator. Holly just sat down and nothing could take her away for the next two full days. She broke the nose of the first doctor that told her visiting hours were over. They decided it was best to just leave her alone, after that.

But she was still so...so _torn_. The hospital managers finally called me in, to see if I could get her to leave, since I was the one that convinced her to go there. I suppose they figured I'd be better able to deal with a punch to the face.

She asked me...if she was allowed to want it. Holly had to ask me if she was allowed to _want_ her daughter. After how she was conceived, Holly didn't know if it was right, to feel anything.

Well, of _course_ I told her she was allowed. And then had to deal with her crying for the next hour. I managed to convince her that she needed to go home and get some decent rest, but only after she named the child. Evergreen. For...life during adversity.

She...passed on four days later.

It wasn't so much a surprise. Evergreen had never been taken off surveillance, and she was still using a breathing tube. Her heart just...stopped. The doctors did everything they could, but they never got a response. Not even a flicker of a heartbeat.

Holly didn't make it to the funeral. I...had to check her into the hospital, when I came to pick her up and found her in a coma after taking all of the sleeping pills that had been given to her after the birth. It took her six months to get well enough to be released, and it was only after Foaly and Caballine volunteered to take her in, until Cumulus cleared her to live on her own. That took another two years. I...actually think being around their son helped her a lot. She got...quite attached, actually.

Now? Honestly, I'm somewhat jealous of her. She's Trouble's second-in-command, star of the LEP crunchball team, named last year's most-valuable officer.

And she's...um...getting married.

Well, it's a little complicated. I don't know if you'd understand. But she's very sure about it and—

Foaly.

Yes, I _know_ he's already married, Fowl. Centaurs are polygamists.

You, a human, wanted to be with Holly, an elf, and you're objecting to an elf-centaur union? They're both part of the People, at least.

I don't know if anyone saw it coming, but it was pretty obvious, in retrospect. Of everyone in the Lower Elements, Foaly was the only person who didn't change how he treated Holly, and Caballine was never too prying about what happened. That woman...she must be the most understanding filly in existence. She had told Foaly from day one of their courtship that she wasn't going to allow a second wife, but when she saw how close Holly was getting to her husband, she invited her over for dinner and laid down the ground rules.

Holly and Foaly denied it for months, of course. Maybe if Caballine hadn't brought the subject up, neither would have recognized what was going on. Or maybe they would have just been tempted until they had an affair. But after Caballine made her demands...it was really just a matter of time. I've never seen such a perfect couple. Or trio, I suppose I should say.

Yes, of course. She is very happy.

No. No plans for children. She...can't have any more. Our doctors are amazing, but the damage done to her uterus was too extensive for even magic. It had to be removed. Foaly is working on a uterine replicator—MechWomb is what he keeps calling it, though I think Holly and Caballine are trying to think up something a bit more...marketable—but I don't think Holly would ever use it. Losing Evergreen was just...too much for her to take. She's trying to get Caballine to have another foal, though, and I think Caballine has just about given in. I'd guess in another year or two.

I wish she could, as well.

I know you're sorry.

No, I don't think she ever forgave you. I think she's just been trying to forget you. And with your sentence almost over...

Fowl, I don't expect you to agree with me, but you must know that I can not release you to the surface. You've been presumed dead for years, and even if we made a false identity, the human doctors could never account for some of the procedures done to preserve your health. And I just...could not let Holly know that you were free again, even if you can't do anything to her. She's happy, Fowl. I don't want her to—

...Thank you. For understanding.

Go ahead, Fowl. It's past time. Just close your eyes.

**The End**


End file.
